Saturday, October 22, 2011

Super Smash Bros Wii U: Meet Masahiro Sakurai

Mr. Sakurai is a man hated by most of the Smash Community. He is the chief director of every Smash Bros game to date but he is hated because he made Smash Bros Brawl.
Brawl is arguably one of the best games ever made.

You're itching to interrupt me here. I can feel it. So instead of explaining why, let me share some images with you.

If this didn't satisfy you, then you people are spoiled. Plain and simple.

Not only is it the most expansive Nintendo game ever created, (I dare you to show me any other Nintendo game that comes even remotely close to providing everything PS3 and Xbox players get on a regular basis) but it has the best roster of characters ever compiled into any game, the best collection of video game music ever collected into any game ever, and on top of all that, it's an absolute blast to play.

Oh..but it's too slow and floaty.

Shut. Up.

Smash isn't designed to be competitive. It's a party game.

Plus, what other "Competitive Fighter" defaults to 4 players, items on (or even has items for that matter), and requires knocking your opponent off the screen?

But I digress

Sakurai: This guy needs to calm down!

That's a good point. So this is the man universally hated for "trolling" and hating the competitive community, even though...he technically created it. There's even a Melee Combo video called "Take that, Sakurai" that starts off with some moron hitting his Brawl game with a hammer before he shows clips of the glorious Melee... a game made by Sakurai.

"Yeah! Take that Sakurai! I'm gonna go play one of your games!"

Sakurai: Swing, swing, swing the hammer! It drops with fearsome force!

See? He doesn't even care.

The truth of the matter is, he's not trolling you. He's making an awesome game. I've seen the quote "Melee was made for the fans, Brawl was made for money". Yea, because I'm sure Nintendo's incentive for making Melee wasn't making a profit. Not to mention it had much less content, rushed everything, and more unoriginal clones

Sakurai: Ahh... That really takes me back.

These fans are ungrateful and honestly, they'll never be satisfied with anything but Melee. Smash is never going to get "more competitive" in nature, no matter how many ledge grabs you allow per battle, and no matter what character you ban.

Sakurai: His cape exude coolness. He overwhelms enemies with his mach-speed sword!

Well it was too fast for those babies we refer to as "Competitive" Smashers. "Oh boo hoo. I can't handle any luck factor, no matter how meaningless, in a party game despite actual competitive fighters having plenty of random/wildcard elements" Other communities deal with it. The MVC3 community finds unique ways to deal with Dark Phoenix. You guys cry and make up rules about chicken Meta-Knight fighters who plank on a ledge.

Sakurai: You must recover! But only 50 times?! Oh, the horror!

So to express your rage you direct every single complaint at a 41-year old brilliant Japanese game designer whose best friend is a cat.

Sakurai: Aw.... Isn’t he cute!

It's not that Sakurai doesn't care, you're just expecting this game to be something completely different than what it was always designed to be at it's absolute core. All you who whine will be disappointed with Smash Bros 4. It won't be more competitive, it might have randomness even more detrimental than tripping, and sorry guys, but this guy won't be playable.

Sakurai: I think that would be pretty impossible! (Laughs)

More on that HERE

But don't hate Sakurai. In fact, hate yourselves. You were given a game where Mario, Solid Snake, Sonic the Hedgehog and Captain Olimar can all fight on the Halberd, throwing Pokeballs, with Kirby Superstar music playing and you think it's a disappointment.

What a shame. Here's a helpful link for those who might be reconsidering their feelings

I realize this post didn't really focus on Sakurai as much as I intended and for that I apologize. I will however provide you with this short video giving you a glimpse into the daily life of Mr. Sakurai.


  1. Thank you so much.

    Those pathetic Melee fanboys should get their heads out of their butts and see Melee for the glitch infested, level and character clone loaded, steaming pile of turd it really is. Even the N64 version wasn't as glitched or clone filled as Melee.

  2. And even with all "teh landmasters" in Brawl, at least the clones in Brawl had more diverse movesets and attack animations, which is more than can be said for any Melee clone.

  3. Granted, your Ridley argument is terrible, but this argument is actually commendable. Kudos. I agree wholeheartedly. Smash was designed as a fun escape for friends; not an uber serious competition. Save that for Sony's game.


  4. God, so many bad smash players all gathered together in one place...

    1. Save it, unless you have a tournament trophy to back up your bull****.

  5. Yeah great game where you can fight Sonic with Mario and Snake. Except you'll get your ass kicked bad by Meta Knight and Snake.